A Life to Live – Shirley's Blog

  • 10:10:17 am on December 29, 2014 | 0

    Learn From People You DON’T Want to Be

    We not only learn from the people we want to emulate, we also learn from those we DON’T want to be like! As important as it is to have people in our lives to look up to, inspire us and otherwise help us be our best selves, we also learn a lot from those we don’t like or respect, for they too provide us with “life examples.”

    In the Beginning

    Anyone in our lives can function as examples of people we don’t want to be. Teachers, bosses, co-workers, former friends, ex boyfriends and girlfriends, and even family members are all people we may not wish to be like. It starts in childhood, as we learn about life from our parents. We absorb both good and “bad” aspects of our parents whether we want to or not, and many times learning to be different from someone is an unconscious process. For example, if you have a parent who worries about every little thing, you passively learn to not be like that. While it’s still possible to end up a “worrywart” like Mom or Dad, it’s also possible, unconsciously or not, to say to ourselves, “I do not want to be [my parent] in this way!!”

    Making Friends, Leaving Friends

    Friendships show us what we do and do not want to aspire to be. It’s easy to be friends with someone for a long time, but as you get to know the person more and more, you may like him or her less and less. It can take years for a particularly ugly aspect of someone’s personality to manifest, resulting in a disintegration of the friendship and knowing that we never, ever want to be like the person. Said person will forever serve as a warning.

    Lovers Come and Go

    It is the same for romantic relationships as it is for friendships. Cheating is one way to end a relationship, and when cheated on it’s fairly easy to make certain that we never want another to feel the way we do now. Incompatibility is another common breakup reason, so if your significant other annoys you like you can’t even believe, it may be time to reexamine why you’re together. This examination will carry over into your next relationship, as you’ll remember what you didn’t like about your ex and will try not to do the same to your new beau.

    The way a person runs a company, teaches a class, parents a child…all of these examples help us become the person we want to be, because we sure as heck don’t want to follow the footsteps of those we dislike. Rather than spending time thinking about why someone’s awful, learn from their shortcomings and subsequently improve your mindset!

    To learn more about changing your mind and changing your life, please contact me today at A Life to Live.


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