A Life to Live – Shirley's Blog

  • 10:10:01 am on August 17, 2015 | 0

    Changing Yourself Instead of Others

    Let’s face it: changing someone else is a near-impossible task. And even if you believe you’ve successfully “changed” the person, it’s usually not long before old habits come roaring back. Why? Because it’s not the other person you want to focus on –it’s you!


    The need to change someone often stems from an underlying incompatibility. For example, if you want to change your romantic partner, it’s doubtful you are compatible in the long term. The desire to change another when in such situations usually means you don’t like the person very much, because if you did you wouldn’t want to change him or her! Yes, everyone has little quirks and habits that annoy their partners, but that doesn’t mean it’s time to overhaul their personalities.

    Changing Your Reaction

    Changing your reaction to another person is arguably the best way to deal with the situation. Whether you need to change your reaction because of the aforementioned incompatibility or another reason, doing so is key in regards to your mindset. This is especially true if you know you’re going to be dealing with the person for a long time! For example, let’s say you don’t care for your sibling’s partner. If breaking up isn’t in the foreseeable future or your sibling intends to marry the person, hating or resenting the individual will do nothing but harm your mindset…and your relationship with your brother or sister. It’s therefore imperative that you train your mind to change your reaction or perception of the other person and how you behave around him or her.

    The Best Reaction

    Not only do you want to change your reaction to a “problem” person, but you want to do so in a way features foundations in love and compassion. People generally “act out” negatively because of their own suffering, with many suffering in silence. Since you don’t really and truly know what is happening with this person, isn’t it best to react with compassion? Changing your reaction to the person in this way allows you to put out the positive energy and mindset you want, which subsequently makes you happier and more at peace. The surprising thing is it also may actually change the person into behaving in a nicer or at least more civil way to you!

    Remember, change your mindset first–it’s always the right solution!


    For more on changing your mind and changing your life, please contact me today at A Life to Live.


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